by Warning Mon 30 Aug 2010, 3:37 pm
Anyone who's played an online game has likely been called a noob at some point. More often than not, this will start a fight between two people of lesser intelligence, resulting in phrases like "OMFG U NOOB" flying back
and forth. The thing is, there are only two reasons for someone to call you a noob in the first place. You have either:
A. insulted them or
B. done significant damage to their character
Thinking of it this way, you've already won! But wouldn't it be better if there was another way of dealing with it, other than screaming "STFU NOOB" over and over? Having given this some thought, I've come up with ten easy and fun alternative actions you can take when bombarded with this classic insult:
Stalk them. Say nothing, but ONLY go for their character in pvp. If you see him, chase him and never let him escape. NEVER. If he moves to another match... follow him. He will most likely continue to call you a noob, but your silence will work like a bullet proof vest against his insults. Plus if you kill him enough, it'll just piss him off more and eventually he'll leave the game entirely. Don't let him kill you though, if you think you're about to die, make sure someone else gets the kill.
Taunt them. This cane be used in conjunction with suggestion #1. Every time they die, regardless of whether you actually got the kill or not, taunt them. Use whatever option is available to you in your game of choice- teabag his corpse, laugh at him in Gunz, dance over his body, etc. Taunt him, and continue to taunt him until you know he has respawned. Do not stop taunting. Just the same as with the first one, NEVER let the flamer in question kill you. It will set you back three or four taunts in terms of you getting him to leave.
Say: "no u". This handy little phrase works in all situations. It doesn't matter if his argument is logical or not, it will fall to this bad boy. Every time he says something, no matter what it is, say "no u". He won't leave, he'll just keep getting more and more mad and ultimately play worse, allowing you easier kills, and more opportunities to say "no u". It's quite funny, actually.
o the crazy Mexican. This one is fairly simple. First, press caps lock. Then do a really, really bad imitation of the Spanish language. "YO SOY EL TACO POR FAVOR EN EL BANO". Note that this only works if you have not
spoken in English yet in the chat. Nevertheless, make it very, VERY obvious that you are faking. It's even funnier if there's a real Spanish speaking person in the game.
Say: (Your mom) This is possibly one of the most hilarious flame tactics I have ever invented in an online game. It sounds so simple and childish, but the possibilities for this one are literally endless. Repeat everything the noob spammer says, only take the noun out and replace it with (your mom). And yes, use the parenthesis.
Pretend you are a nine year old girl. I'm serious, this works. If it's a text chat room, all you have to do is type a little funny and talk about your older brother or your bedtime. If you have a microphone... well, this is where it gets really fun. As soon as you kill the person, get your little sister/niece/love child to talk into the microphone. That embarrasses the crap out of people, and usually they just leave. I've had more than a few good laughs with this one.
Send them links to scam websites. They'll think you're doing them a favor, and it'll usually get them on your side for the remainder of the game, until a few days later when they realize they've been ripped off. If they already know about the site you send them to, say something like: "How do you think I got/am getting my online membership/premium items?" Even if they don't specifically say they're buying into it, they'll be jealous- trust me. More than likely they'll visit the site after they leave. If he's already been scammed, he'll just feel bad that it worked for you and not him.
Kill him using the most "noobish" tactics available to you. Equip the least popular weapons, use cowardly tactics, and do everything you possibly can to cheat your way to his death. Be a cheap ***. This will make him even more pissed off, and he will likely come at you with similar tactics. Once he does this, own him about twice and he'll leave.
Act ***. Talk about how him calling you a noob turns you on. If he says he hates you, say you love him. Tell him how attractive his character looks. Ask him for his age, sex, and location. Ignore any protests or insults, just talk about how much you like him. Continue this until he leaves, and proceed to laugh at him behind his back.
If possible, switch to his side. Most of the people who spam "noob" around get offended by this, even if you're better than them. If he switches, switch back. Try getting accepted by his clan or particular online group.
He will be so annoyed that his ego bubble will eventually explode. Picture him crying, face down on the keyboard, with you standing erect in pixilated victory. Yes. Taunt while doing so.
Remember kids, online gamers make up a good 25% of the stupidest people in the entire population. No one knows how to respond to stuff like this, so give it a try. Happy noobing!
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/753463/ten_things_to_do_when_someone_calls_pg3.html?cat=4 LMAO!
